Re-thinking the advice to women to “lean in” and always negotiate

Highlights

• Women are skilled at choosing when to negotiate and succeed in gaining more 74% of the time when they decide to negotiate.
• Forcing women to negotiate in all situations leads to worse outcomes, with financial losses tripling compared to when they have a choice.
• Both men and women benefit from deciding when to negotiate, but societal pressure disproportionately pushes women to negotiate more often, even when it may not be beneficial.

With the recent passing of Lilly Ledbetter, the legendary advocate for gender-wage equality, it is timely to revisit our assumptions about how to close the gender wage gap. Many believe that women should negotiate more often—the “lean in” movement, for example, advises women to ask for more during salary negotiations. But is negotiating more always the best approach for women?

Women know when to negotiate

A study by Christine Exley, Muriel Niederle, and Lise Vesterlund found that women are skilled at recognizing when negotiating will benefit them. The researchers conducted a series of controlled experiments where participants could either choose to negotiate or were forced to negotiate, which allowed them to observe decision-making processes and outcomes. When given a choice, women enter negotiations that lead to positive financial outcomes. In fact, the study found that when women choose to negotiate, they end up with a better deal 74% of the time. This means that women are good at selecting opportunities where negotiation pays off, and they generally avoid situations that are likely to lead to losses.

However, when women are forced to negotiate in all situations, the outcomes are notably worse. As Christine Exley explains, “Negotiations can lead to better outcomes, but unnecessary ones are costly. They can also leave women feeling pressured to negotiate while worrying about overdoing it.”

The data backs this up: losses triple when women are required to negotiate in unfavorable circumstances. Indeed, more negotiations do not necessarily lead to better results—sometimes, they do the opposite. Forcing women to negotiate in every scenario strips them of their ability to exercise sound judgment about when negotiations will work in their favor.

When women choose to negotiate, they end up with a better deal 74% of the time.

How do men compare?

The findings further suggest that men and women are equally capable of recognizing when a negotiation is worth entering. Like women, men also experience more financial losses when they are pushed to negotiate in all situations.

Importantly, the study found no evidence that men are inherently better at negotiating or at identifying good opportunities for negotiation compared to women. Both genders benefit when they have the freedom to decide when to negotiate, and both experience increased risks when they are forced to negotiate without considering the context.

Still, there is greater pressure on women to negotiate than on men

Despite evidence that women know when to enter win-worthy negotiations, society tends to put more pressure on them than on men to negotiate. A follow-up experiment revealed a stronger expectation among people that women should not be allowed to avoid negotiations—even when it might not be the best choice for them—while men were given more flexibility. This shows a tendency to push women into actions that aren’t necessarily in their best interest, a phenomenon that the researchers call the paternalistic demand.

This pressure to negotiate puts women in a double bind: If they follow their own judgment and avoid negotiations in unfavorable situations, they are criticized for not being assertive enough. But when they are pushed into negotiating in all situations and things go badly, they can end up losing money and even damaging their reputation at work.

“the idea to ‘always negotiate’ is misguided. The situation matters, and your preferences matter too”

Where do we go next?

These findings offer several actionable insights for organizational leaders and HR managers:

1. Avoid blanket advice for women to negotiate more: The data show that women are already skilled at knowing when to enter negotiations. Encouraging all employees to negotiate in all situations, regardless of potential outcomes, can lead to financial losses and heightened stress, particularly for women.
2. Support a choice-driven approach: Rather than pushing for more frequent negotiations, organizations should focus on creating a work environment where employees feel empowered to choose when negotiation is appropriate. Transparency in salary ranges, clear criteria for promotions, and open channels for discussing growth can enable employees to make informed choices about negotiation.
3. Challenge gendered expectations around negotiation. Leaders should recognize that women face unique pressures to negotiate more often due to societal biases. It’s important to challenge stereotypes and avoid creating additional pressures on women to negotiate more when it may not be in their best interest. Removing the pressure to “lean in” at every opportunity can help reduce unnecessary stress and lead to better outcomes.

The notion that women should “lean in” and negotiate more frequently overlooks important nuances in negotiation dynamics that women are apparently already aware of. Instead of uniformly pushing women to always negotiate, organizations should create fair and supportive structures where all employees can freely choose to negotiate when it makes sense for them.

As for employees themselves who feel pressured to negotiate despite their instincts suggesting otherwise, Exley offers a reassuring reminder: “While learning negotiation tactics is valuable, both women and men should know that the idea to ‘always negotiate’ is misguided. The situation matters, and your preferences matter too.”

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Research brief prepared by:

Alice Choe